What to Do When You Suspect He’s Cheating
I get a lot of emails from girlfriends and wives who have the sneaking suspicion that their husband or boyfriend is being unfaithful. Perhaps it’s just a feeling that they have. Maybe their man has exhibited suspect behavior or just doesn’t seem interested anymore. Maybe they’ve even found some evidence that they think backs up the suspicions that are demanding their attention, (like phone numbers, bills with questionable charges, or unfamiliar items in a husband’s car.) Whatever it is that has made you suspicious, there is typically a right way and a wrong way to handle this, which I will discuss more in the following article.
Ask Yourself What You Really Want: I know that this suggestion seems to be both self explanatory and based on common sense, but so many people skip this step. They don’t slow down and stop for a second to determine what their next logical step might be. In short, they don’t think about what they ultimately want to accomplish. Some people want to be reassured that they are wrong. Some people want their husband’s or boyfriend’s confession, apology, and reassurance. Others just want to know the truth so that they can break away in a healthy way. Some just want the suspect behavior to stop so that the suspicions also stop.
It’s important to know what you want you ultimately want because your criteria and agenda (which can be hard to admit, even to yourself) is going to very much affect how you interpret and receive any information that you obtain or receive. In other words, it’s going to slant any perceptions or reactions that you may have and this may or may not be in your best interest.
How Much Information Do You Really Want To Give Him?: Speaking of your own best interest, think for a second about if you really want to show your deck of cards. Sure, you want an immediate answer. You want for this doubt and insecurity to go away immediately. But, if you fire off questions and accusations, you’re only giving him a heads up (if he’s truly cheating.) At best, you’re wrong and you look like an insecure person who is over reaching. You look silly and over zealous. If you’re right, you’ve just told him how to cheat on you even better. You’ve told him exactly which clues tipped you off, so you can rest assured that he’s going to do a better job the next time.
It’s very unlikely that he’s going to say something like: “OK, you caught me. I can’t deny it. You’re absolutely right and I will put a stop to this immediately and I will then begin making it up to you right away.” This doesn’t happen at first. Most men will continue to deny everything and to insinuate that you’re only being clingy, while others may even try to turn your suspicions around back onto you. (For example, he might say: “maybe you’re the one who’s cheating.”)
Think About What’s Leading You To Your Suspicions And Follow Up Until You Find Proof Of The Cheating: The best thing that you can do right now is to wait to take action until you can first be calm enough to come up with a workable plan. Second, once you are calm, sit down and make a list of all of the things that are pointing to his cheating. Once you have the list, you’ll want to check these things out one by one.
For example, if he’s on the phone a lot and seems very secretive, get a hold of his cell phone, take note of any strange numbers, and then run them through a reverse look up. Once you have a name, use the public records to find an address. (Most of these are online. Examples are court records, the property appraiser’s office, directory assistance plus, etc.)
Or, if you notice him on the computer late at night, there is simple, undetectable and inexpensive software that can show you every screen that has been on that computer for whatever time frame you put into it. This means that it will show you all chats, all IMs, all emails, all web history, etc. without your needing any information or passwords.
If you notice him going out a lot, you can take it a step further and can put a GPS tracker on the bottom of his car that will tell you exactly where he is going and where he has been. However, I always suggest starting with the easiest and most obvious thing first because this will often yield enough results to point you in the right direction.
Hopefully, I’ve shown you that it’s smart to wait until you can investigate your suspicions of cheating before you confront him. This way, if you’re wrong, only you need to know of your mistake. But if you’re right, you’ll have the proof that you need so that he can no longer continue to lie to you.
I was in this same situation a short time ago. I tried to confront my husband with my suspicions of his cheating, but he would never admit it. I tried to believe him, but the doubts remained. I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read my very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/
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